Well I am not a writer but I have a story to share. I was born late seventies and the baby of three kids, but I was the only Girl. Grew up not poor and not rich either, middle class. My father worked hard and showed me an easier, softer way. That was when I was Twelve years old though. So I figured I would show him, because he was a recovering alcoholic/addict. He got sober when I was twelve years old. I totally got involved with the wrong group and gave up on myself and life in general. Started smoking pot at age fourteen, and enjoyed drinking whenever I wasn’t grounded. Growing up in the Eighties the punishment I got for bad grades or misbehaving was either grounding, or a belt smack. Grounding meant I had privileges taken away like going out, talking on the phone, wearing make-up, and watching television. I was always grounded and usually for grades. So when kids do their normal experimentation I was grounded. Being a teenager and always being in the house didn’t make school fun for me at all. Instead I viewed it as a way to have some kind of freedom. The way I got that was by cutting or ditching school, and that’s why my grades would suck. I didn’t care though, because when you’re a teenager you think you’re invincible and nothing will happen to you.
So now I am in High School and have been and all I cared about was being a cool girl. I mainly had guy friends because the girls were always two-faced and too caddy. With the guys you knew where you stood. However, the girls weren’t to fond of me and therefore I was the whore and slut of the school. For what? Going on a blunt rides with a few boys? Anyway, the few girl friends I had ended up screwing me over somehow, and to this day I have a hard time trusting woman. So by the time I graduated High School in 1997. I had buried six friends from drug-related deaths, and the worst we did in High School was drink and smoke pot, and cocaine. It’s nothing compared to what’s out there today for our kids. You could say I questioned God and all that comes with losing someone when you’re only sixteen. Reincarnation, Heaven and Hell, and never was able to figure it out. So when I was in Eleventh Grade I had been to rehab for smoking pot. All because my mom thought I was doing other drugs because I had gotten caught up with cocaine and owing some guy money. By the time twelve grade came I signed up to join the United States Navy, because that’s was my ticket out. I could travel and get and education as well as get paid.
Well I think someone bigger had different plans for me. I had gone steady with the same guy since November 1996, and I remember going to get birth control. I was waiting to get my monthly friend so I could start the pill. I also went to the Hospital for stomach pains, and needed surgery for two hernias; one was inguinal, and the other was typical. This timing was around May 1997 Graduation Year and when I got my surgery for my hernias. Well my send off date to the Navy was delayed until July 1997. Well when I went in for surgery I was only seventeen years old. They give everyone a pregnancy test and apparently I was pregnant, and they told my mom. However, she forgot to let me know. I had to find out the next month when I didn’t get my friend, and I went and took a pregnancy test. I had become everything I was so angry at my mom for becoming. I also couldn’t go into the Navy at this point. Of course, everyone in High School found out and said I did it on purpose. All the rumors that went around it was so upsetting, because it was not true at all. At times I believed my boyfriend believed it at times. So we end up graduating and life and reality start to set in.
Considering we were going to be parents His father had taken us to look for a townhouse. We found one that wasn’t built until September 1997, but it was a good investment. So I basically lived at home and worked. I worked at local hospital since age 14 and worked in Snack Bar, and eventually I was in the Emergency room as Unit Clerk. We ended up moving in together in October 1997. I will sum up the next few years and get to where it turns into hell. My grandfather passes away in December of 1997 age 63 of massive heart attack. I am 8 months pregnant, and first grandparent ever lost. I gave birth to a boy in January 1998 and the day before his dad’s birthday. Within the next two years things continue he is in college becoming a teacher and I am still working at hospital. Well I found out I was pregnant fall 1999, and I was only 20- years old and already had a son. I was still living with my son’s dad and he was the father of this child. However, he wasn’t thrilled about me being pregnant, and it wasn’t planned. However, there was no other choice as far as I was concerned. To me abortion isn’t a form of birth control. So basically things were tough and eventually we separated and four months before I was due I moved back into our home or his home.
This is where everything begins and starts to go down hill. I gave birth to my daughter April 2000 four days before I turn 21-years old. Well shortly after her birth I had to get my wisdom teeth removed. That’s where my dance with the devil began in the early beginning. What happen